Valentine's Day

7 Apr

Title: Valentine’s Day
Year: 2010
Director: Garry Marshall
Writer: Katherine Fugate, from the story by herself, Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein
Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Olivia Seward, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Topher Grace, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Queen Latifah, Carter Jenkins, George Lopez, Kathy Bates, Julia Roberts
MPAA Rating: PG-13, some sexual material and brief partial nudity
Runtime: 125 min
Major Awards:
IMDb Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 18%

Because of its incredibly star-studded cast and the insane amount of hype and promise around it Valentine’s Day finds itself developing into a horrible film that goes around itself too much for its own damn good, it keeps moving and moving without really doing anything when and if it stops, were it not because it’s super fun to watch this all-star cast be around each other I would totally hate it, but then again, if it didn’t had that all-star cast it would have probably turned out to be a completely different film, and, most likely, a better one.

Seriously though, lets stop at the cast, it has about 20 really big stars, about 10 of which are serious A-list stuff, I mean for real, Roberts, Kutcher, Biel, MacLaine, Hathaway, the poster seems like one made by a movie fanboy on Photoshop who just decided to assemble a fictional movie with a cast that could never come true. That’s the only thing cool about the film, that it’s surreal to see these guys together.

And what’s funny is that some of the A-listers weren’t even the first choices for the roles: Katherine Heigl, Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachel McAdams, Elizabeth Banks, Orlando Bloom, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Sam Worthington, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Jodie Foster all got offered and turned down roles for this film, and even when they turned it down the film still ended up with a cast that has 16 Oscar nominations combined. In-fuckin’-sane.

But again, even though that fun cast is the movie’s strength, it’s also its biggest problem, and it’s actually a really big one. The studio could have just divided its actors into five rom-coms, scored five really decent hits instead of doing this one because by trying to give each of its stars a decent amount of screen-time it starts juggling their stories, and when you got so many stories to juggle your script will end up being pretty shitty.

I won’t go ahead and delve into the plot, I saw this film over a month ago and I’ve forgotten who was who if I’m to be honest, I just remember this as an all-star rom-com that engaged in every cliché the genre has ever known, and remember it as the film that brought the two Taylor’s together, and be grateful because it was the film that allowed me to see Julia Roberts after a long time without her, and it made me laugh that her character was named Capt. Hazeltine (get it? that’s the name of her twins, Hazel and Valentine, combined).

But yeah, the film as a film is pretty crappy, it deals with too many stories that develop over a day in about two hours on film, we don’t have enough time and it all happens too fast and it sucks and the characters have no dimension whatsoever, the only form this film works as is as a game contest in which you have to go “There’s Ashton Kutch-…There’s Patrick Dem-…There’s Jennif-…” and you have to complete the name of an actor before another comes on in, but as the successor of the impeccable ensemble rom-com that was Love Actually it fails quite miserably.

Grade: C-

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