Jonah Hex

22 Jul

Title: Jonah Hex
Year: 2010
Director: Jimmy Hayward
Writers: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, from on a story by themselves and William Farmer, based on the characters by John Albano and Tony Dezuniga
Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Michael Shannon
MPAA Rating: PG-13, intense sequences of violence and action, disturbing images and sexual content
Runtime: 81 min
Major Awards:
IMDb Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 13%

Josh Brolin, John Malkovic, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett and Michael Shannon are all actors I like and respect, put them in a movie together from a comic book I quite like and you would guess that the film would appeal immensely to me, but in comes Megan Fox and it turns out to be one of the worst films I’ve seen all year. I mean, it’s obviously not all Megan Fox’s fault, god knows I don’t really like her at all and I do maintain my position that she’s part of the reason why Jonah Hex sucked, but pretty much everyone was just as bad as her, or maybe only a bit better which is still saying a lot, plus the writers are the ones that gave us Gamer last year, another completely shitty film.

Josh Brolin is a tremendous actor, and I actually think he really tried to make this one work, there are glimpses of good acting in his performance as the titular anti-hero, but that’s the thing, they are just glimpses, because every now and again someone who was bad came along and fucked it up, and because the movie is way too short, I mean, it’s good that it’s this short because it puts us out of our misery quickly when watching it, but maybe by making it longer they could have squeezed more juice from a story that has a rich source material.

Jonah Hex is a man who was made by Quentin Turnbull, who’s played by Mr. Malkovich, watch as a house containing his family was set fire, and was then branded by him, which left his face severely scarred, and Jonah Hex is now, as you might have guessed, out for vengeance. There’s also Lilah, the local hooker who is the character played by Ms. Fox, with whom he’s in love, and to be frank Lilah is a character we could have done without, but the studio probably thought that having Ms. Fox as a hooker constantly in a corset would get all the horny non-picky males to the theatre which would translate to cash, but then again, this film had a budget of nearly $50 million and has only made about $10 million so far, over a month after its release, which means, I hope, that the Megan Fox mania is starting to die down, a process that I hope will be completed when the new Transformers film is out and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley replaces her as the designated hottie, finally someone who’s actually hot.

I don’t want to go through the rest of the plot, suffice it to say that it’s really bad, full of performances that are horrendous, and which are led by the waxy performance from Ms. Fox, and that dull out the respectable one by Mr. Brolin who tried his best but ultimately was dragged down by a shitty storyline that couldn’t have been saved by anyone. I may be angrier than I should, but I like DC Comics, I like them pretty much just as much as I like Marvel, and they deserve at least a bit of success out of the Batman franchise, now, if they fuck up the upcoming Green Lantern film then I will seriously lose it, considering he’s my favorite superhero and all.

Grade: D

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