Vampires Suck

30 Aug

Title: Vampires Suck
Year: 2010
Directors: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Starring: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi, Ken Jeong, Anneliese van der Pol
MPAA Rating: PG-13, crude sexual content, comic violence, language and teen partying
Runtime: 82 min
Major Awards:
IMDb Rating: 3.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 6%

Vampires Suck does indeed suck, I’m not giving it my lowest grade because it at least wasn’t a film that tried to be good, these genre-spoof films never attempt to be good movies, they just attempt to be stupid and make some cash out of it, and this one succeeds at that, it has already earned more money than it cost to make and it will keep on making a bit of cash, so yeah, it’s not a blockbuster but it earns some nice money, and that’s all it aimed to do. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I respect how bad it is, if anything because it at least didn’t try to pretend otherwise.

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have never been great at this game, their films are always horrible, and I doubt they’ll get better anytime soon. This one, if anything, I guess is a bit better than some of the rest they have made, but these guys just know that some people will go see these films to see if they can laugh at the genres they are spoofing. However, I thin that the audiences are now starting to realize that’s not really gonna happen and that the laughs in these films are pretty much nowhere to be found.

Even though Vampires Suck, as I said, has already made more than it cost to make, its not gonna make as much bank as some of the other films from the Friedberg-Seltzer duo. 2006’s Date Movie made around $85 million on a $20 million budget, same goes for 2007’s Epic Movie and 2008’s Meet the Spartans (though that one had a $30 million budget), but the last one they made, Disaster Movie, made about $35 million, and this one right here is en route to make something like that, by this I mean that people seem to be getting a bit tired of this, so hopefully we won’t be getting these films five years from now.

And I won’t go long about this film at all, it’s really not worth it, if you’re gonna go to a theatre to see this film you already know what to expect and you don’t need a review to tell you that. The thing about Vampires Suck is that the vampire genre is one that knows its own weaknesses very well and that doesn’t shy away from them at all, they just roll with the punches, not to mention that the target demographic with these sort of films is the very same demographic that devour the Twilight films, and that’s to say that its a very passionate demographic that most likely won’t be paying to see a film that trashes their beloved Cullen’s, which I guess is part of the reason this one isn’t doing terrific business.

And this is my cue to end the review, I really don’t recommend this one at all, not even if you like spoofs that Friedberg and Seltzer have made in the past (and I doubt there are many who seriously do), this one just offers no laughs and relies on daft genitalia-infused gags that feel too old for us to really care about them anymore. So yes, even if you think that vampires suck, you’re gonna find that this films sucks even more.

Grade: D


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