Transformers: Dark of the Moon

12 Jul

Title: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Michael Bay
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Patrick Dempsey, Kevin Dunn, Julie White, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand
MPAA Rating: 
PG-13, intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo
157 min
Major Awards: –

IMDb Rating: 
Rotten Tomatoes: 


This third Transformers movie is the last one, right? If it is, then that’s just about the only good thing I can say about Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Michael Bay’s latest attempt at reducing our IQ’s with two hours and a half full of battling car-robots and a sexy love interest for Shia LaBeouf, who I really don’t like even though he was in Disturbia which I did like. The only other good thing I have to say about this third film is that at least now the sexy love interest is actually sexy. Not to say that Megan Fox is ugly, because she obviously isn’t, but I just really really don’t like her at all, not even physically, I think she’s way overrated and that probably has something to do that her abilities as an actress are so deplorable that that downgrades even her looks. But yeah, one of the few good decisions Michael Bay made about this film was to kick her out and get a new actress who’s actually supremely sexy, who is of course the gorgeous Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who you might know from your local Victoria’s Secret. Now, this is one of those cases in which having a super model act isn’t a bad idea at all, because every single role in these Transformers films, especially the love interest one, doesn’t require an ounce of credible acting. Ms. Huntington-Whiteley only needed to look pretty while screaming at huge robots, and at least she did that.

But then again, a lot of people watch these films no matter what. The first film is the 24th highest-grossing film domestically and 43rd worldwide, the second one is 11th and 25th, and this one has been out for only two weeks and is already 51st and 47th. So yeah, when you have a franchise that’s made to date $2.2 billion with this one still rolling in the cash for weeks to come then you can’t blame people for making them because they’re financially awesome decisions. And people watch these films because its great escapist entertainment, but I mean, these are two and a half hour movies that really get tedious, I don’t care how great escapism watching robots beat up each other may be. As for the 3D aspect of this one, well the added dimension was actually nicely handled, and the only reason why I don’t think I’ll fail this movie is because at least they made 3D that was semi-decent, but the thing is that the story it told was so dumb and thinly written you just couldn’t care about any of it after you get over how sexy Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is, which happens at around the twenty-minute mark.

The first Transformers I actually liked, I would have given it a B grade had I been grading films back then, I thought it was a really fun movie because the script was actually pretty decent for a summer blockbuster, it had fun introducing the characters and having Sam be super surprised when he saw his car was a robot. The second film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, is sensationally crappy, and I would have no doubt failed that film. And even though this one is marginally better, it’s still so stupid because you get the gist that Michael Bay, the master of stale acting and loud explosions, is just trying to get from action sequence 1 from action sequence 2 without caring even a little bit about the stuff in between them.

Thing is, hard as it may be to believe, I actually think that Michael Bay actually listened to his many critics when he made this one, at least a bit. Not to say that he finally made a truly good film, and not to say that the guy won’t keep looking like the most arrogant and douchey sort of director alive, but when you compare this one to the second film, you’ll see that there are much less racial stereotypes, no slapsticky comedy one horribly wrong. Yes, it’s not as though he improved the bad things, but at least he scrapped off entirely the really bad ones, and that’s a step in the right direction, no matter how much longer the road may still be for him. So yeah, as much as you’ll hate a lot of things about Transformers: Dark of the Moon, at least appreciate the fact that Tyrese Gibson’s character is now more of a leader and not just a comic-relief African-American guy, appreciate the fact that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s character is a female that while still acting as the bimbo-in-peril at least isn’t over-sexualized to the point of getting you to uncomfortably cringe.

But, you know what, my point is: please do avoid Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Yes, it’s easier to follow the action sequences now that it was in the second film, but these scenes are still ridiculously long and have little to none connective tissues between them, having seemingly been edited by a fifteen year-old with a severe case of ADD. And that’s why I haven’t listed the plot so far here, because it doesn’t matter, this is mindless entertainment at its most basic, and that’s another reason for why I won’t fail this movie, because it is what it is, and even though Michael Bay may get a bit pretentious when talking about how good it is, you know what it really is and you’ll still pay big bucks to watch it. Also, the biggest reason as for why I won’t fail this film is that I keep hoping that once the film gets its blu-ray release there’ll be a cue for you to put the movie on mute, press play on Pink Floyd’s legendary The Dark Side of the Moon album and then it’ll all make more sense. Fingers crossed.

Grade: C-


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